Bob's Angry Rants

I am fat. Not in the sense that I order pizza delivery because I can't leave the house because I'm too fat to fit through the door and then I lose the food in my fat rolls, but more in the sense that I have about 4 more inches around my waistline than I'm really happy with.

I have long been in denial about this. I had been hanging on to 32 waist jeans as recently as 2 years ago. The last time I wore them comfortably was probably about 10 years ago.

I have decided today, however, that this inexorable slide towards a 38" waistline hasn't really been my fault. I mean, really, isn't society to blame for my corpulance? Society makes me work for a living, which involves sitting on my ass for 8 hours a day. Society makes me go to school where I sit on my ass for another 3 hours a day. Society doesn't give me enough time to cook healthy meals because I spend all of my time sitting on my ass. And most egregiously, Society makes me fill my plate with bacon and sausage at breakfast buffets.

Well, maybe it isn't all society's fault. I also blame the fast food industry for "super-sizing" already highly caloric food. I blame that sale on potato chips at Safeway. I blame that court reporter who brought in free chocolate. I blame food in general for being so damn tasty. And finally, I blame violence in media, just because it seems popular to do so.

Oh, sure, I can hear you saying, "Bob, why don't you just exercise more?" or "Bob, why don't you just eat less?" Well, to you I say, who the hell asked you, you skinny little freak?