Bob's Angry Rants

Here is a letter that I sent to the Oakland Raiders after I heard that head coach John Gruden was leaving the team.

March 12, 2002

Al Davis
Oakland Raiders
1220 Harbor Bay Parkway
Alameda, CA 94502

re: Coaching position

Dear Mr. Davis:

It has recently come to my attention that you are looking for a new head coach for the Oakland Raiders. With all due modesty, I must say that there is no better candidate than myself.

I have logged hundreds of hours on Madden 2002 for the Playstation 2. Prior to this I played Madden 2001 extensively as well. In this time I have taken the Raiders to the Superbowl 79 times. I have won the Superbowl 77 times. I have always finished with a winning season (13-3 was the worst!!!). Please keep in mind that this was all accomplished at the most difficult "All Madden" level.

Based on this experience, it only seems logical that you would turn over the coaching duties of this team to me. I feel confident that we will soon have more Superbowl rings than we do fingers.

Please let me know as soon as possible, as I am sending a similar letter to the San Francisco 49ers. Also, please send a salary range and any benefits package you might provide so that I can evaluate your offer.

The greatest coach of all time,

Robert ******