Bob's Angry Rants

December 12, 2002

George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

re: Jobs for Stupid-ass People

Dear President Bush:

First of all, I just want to say that I think you are doing a wonderful job running the country. I am a big admirer of yours and am looking for an opportunity to serve your administration in some capacity.

I also just wanted to thank you on behalf of stupid people everywhere for showing everyone what a dumbass can accomplish in this country. I mean morons are always being looked down upon just because they are stupid, but now they have someone they can look up to. Truly, you are a role model for idiots everywhere.

I'm also pleased to see that just because you've attained a position of power and responsibility, it hasn't stopped you from being true to your dumbass self. It is good for dumbasses to see that even when a nation is depending on you, it is no reason to stop doing dumbass things.

I myself am something of a moron. My parents were always telling me that if I didn't do well in school and apply myself, that I would end up flipping burgers at McDonalds. Well, I sure showed them when, instead, I turned to a life of crime. But, just like you put your coke snorting, partying, drug abusing days behind you to become president, I'm confident that I will be able to do the same.

Which brings me to the point of my letter. As I said, I am seeking gainful employment and I thought that your administration would be a good place to start. As I have previously stated, I am an idiot. I have no problem pandering to the people or achieving meager short-term benefits in exchange for dire long-term consequences. I do have a checkered past and although I don't have many corporate connections, I am very open to being bought off by said corporations, given the opportunity. I think that I would be a very good fit for your administration and I hope that you would agree.

Please let me know as soon as possible about any openings in your cabinet.

A fellow dumbass,

Robert *****