Bob's Angry Rants

So, Arnold Schwarzenegger (or however you spell it) is running for governor. I haven't really been able to get a clear picture about how many candidates we can actually expect to see on the ballot. I've heard numbers in the 200+ range tossed about, but I'm not sure if that's people who have actually completed the process or just those who have initiated it. Regardless, the whole thing has certainly turned into quite the circus. We've got Larry Flynt, porn king; Gary Coleman (not to be confused with Emmanuel Lewis); Conan, The Republican (my favorite pun so for, so much better than the over-obvious Governator); a kid who hasn't even been able to win an election to his high school student government and a slew of other attention hungry unknowns.

It's gotten so bad, that I say we just go with the flow. Give in to our baser instincts. I say that we should toss them all into a caged deathmatch and let the survivor become the Governor. It'll be a media extravaganza! I'm sure that Fox will be all over it. I can see the teasers now: "Tonight on Fox we're taking reality TV to a whole new level. What happens when you take over 200 political novices, throw "procedure" out the window and let nature take its course? We'll find out on California Gubernatorial Recall Election 2003! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" Really, we're only about half a step from this right now.

Now, you might think that Arnold has an advantage in such a scenario, but I think that the others would perceive him as the biggest threat and team up against him. Even Mr. Olympia shouldn't be able to withstand 200+ desperate candidates. After that I'm guessing that it'll break up into a more free-form melee with tenuous, shifting alliances and much bloodshed. (Insert pithy comparison to politics in general here) Frankly, I think that the smart money is on Gary Coleman. He's small and presents a smaller target, he's likely to be low on people's threat radar and he's one angry little man. Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Let the games begin!