Bob's Angry Rants

2002
2003
2004
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Bob for Governor!

07/30/2003 - 11:23 a.m.

Bob as Governor of California? Why not? Everyone else is running, why shouldn't I? According to the Secretary of State's website, it should be pretty easy. I'm already a registered voter, so all I need to do is get the signatures of 65 Democrats (my party), fill out a couple forms and pay $3,500.00 in fees by late next week. Piece of cake. I could probably get 65 signatures by tomorrow afternoon. The $3,500.00 might be a bit of a stretch, but it could be done.

I think that I could get my foot in the door with my strict "Zero Tolerance for Dumbasses" platform. People seem to like zero tolerance policies. Nice and simple. Of course, I suspect that many of the people who support zero tolerance policies may, in fact, be dumbasess. So my campaign my not have much in the way of populist appeal. Hopefully the moron voting bloc will stay home on election day.

Here's what I've got going for me:

1) I'm an outsider. And by outsider, I mean that I have never worked in or with the state government. I don't have any connections and I'm not even really sure how it all works on a day to day level. People seem to like the idea that their candidates have a total lack of qualifications, so as far as that goes, I'm in.

2) I'm happily married. That's right, I'm a family man. No affairs, no scandals. Unless you count that one time after my shower when I ran across living room naked with the blinds open. I don't think that anyone saw me, but you never know with these damn paprazzi.

3) I'm not Davis or Issa. That's probably my best quality right there. It is, unfortunately, shared by many of the other candidates.

4) I have a new titanium watch. Anne gave it to me for our anniversary. I think that people will see that the titanium represents strength, the fact that it is a solar powered "Eco-Drive" watch shows that I am environmentally minded and the perpetual calendar (good 'till February 28, 2100) demonstrates that I am able to take the long view on issues.

Okay, so the watch probably won't help me get elected, but it is just so bad-ass that I had to share.

So be the first on the bandwagon! Bob for Governor! Sign up now!


Update 8/8/03 - PetitionOnline has removed my petition for being anonymous. Always trying to keep the little guy down!

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