Bob's Angry Rants

November 18, 2002

Anheuser-Busch Companies, Inc.
One Busch Place
St. Louis, MO 63118-1852

re: Hot Babes

Dear Anheuser-Busch:

I recently had the opportunity to sample your Budweiser product this past weekend, I must say that I was somewhat disappointed. Your advertising had led me to believe that upon opening a bottle of this beer, I would be surrounded with a bevy of beautiful women and that a raging party would spontaneously occur.

My results were slightly less spectacular. I only got five gorgeous women and the party that resulted was, at best, average. Additionally, two of the women were lesbians and one was a transvestite. Now, admittedly, she was pretty hot for a man, but nevertheless, not useful for my purposes (I'm straight). So now I was left with just two hot chicks and I was out five bucks for the beer.

Now, I don't know if it is because I was in San Francisco, or what, but this was not the result that I was anticipating. I had prepared for an orgy but all I had was a threesome. A lot of crudit�s went to waste that night, not to mention all of the whipped cream and lubricant.

I understand that I probably can't get a refund, since I did drink the beer and I did party with two sexy ladies, but I would like to have some questions addressed by your quality control people. Is my experience unique? Do you get more straight girls in an area with a less active lesbian/gay/transgender population? What are the optimal conditions for attracting hot chicks with a bottle of beer?

Thank you for your time,

Robert ******