Bob's Angry Rants

For many years now, I've been trying to find a good nickname for myself. Bob is just kind of boring and dull. I wanted something exciting and edgy. You know, like a rapper or a spy might have. It is rare that a week goes by without me proposing a new name for myself. Recently, though, my attention has turned to the name "Killbox." This a result of a televsion program that I saw. I forget if it was on the History channel or A&E but it was some channel like that. Regardless, it was called "Killbox: Fighting the Gulf War." I didn't really watch the program, so I'm not really sure what a Killbox is, but it sounded pretty cool to me.

When I first proposed this name to Anne, she refused outright. Later I got her to relent and agree to call me Killbox if Will would agree to do so as well. I thought that I had it made. I mean, Will is one of my best friends. He wouldn't let me down in the crunch, would he?

He would.

This is really the part of the story that I find most disturbing. I guess I should have expected it, though, since he never backs me up. Inevitably, when I get into a fight with Anne, Will takes her side instead of mine. I always thought that this was one of the duties of the best friend. They back you up when you get into a fight with your spouse. They don't say things like, "What are you, nuts?" or "But, Anne's always right." Right and wrong shouldn't even enter into the equation. He's my pal, so he should take my side no matter what. So far, this reasoning has found very few adherents.

So anyway, I've pretty much given up on getting anyone to call me Killbox, although I still throw it out there every now and then (signing e-mails and whatnot), so I need to find a new nickname. I'm looking for something that sounds cool and masculine. It might be based on some sort of weapon or a dangerous animal, but not necessarily. Anyway, got any ideas? Let me know.